if you REALLY knew me...

you'd know I love the rain.
you'd know I wish I could live somewhere where it rained all the time.
you'd know my only motivation anymore is to keep my parents happy.
you'd know I don't even know what priorities are anymore.
you'd know I hate change.
you'd know I want to change, but am too scared.
you'd know I'm scared of a lot of things.
you'd know I never cry in front of my family.
you'd know I actually do have a personality.
you'd know I used to do something with my life.
you'd know I am capable of having friends.
you'd know a completely different side of me, that actually expresses myself.
you'd know I would rather do math problems than think about my real problems.
you'd know I am terrified to grow up.
you'd know I'm terrified of my own house.
you'd know I want to learn guitar, but I'm too lazy.
you'd know I am too lazy for most things.
you'd know my family is my life.
you'd know I am smart, people just don't know it, cause I don't show it.
you'd know I love puppies, but hate taking care of them.
you'd know when I like a song, I play it thousands of times in a row, 'til I get obsessed with another one.
you'd know I've asked for a little brother every Christmas for all the years I can remember.
you'd know I am scared to have kids 'cause I don't want them to turn out like me.
you'd know I can't talk in front of people.
you'd know there are very few things I like about myself.
you'd know I struggle with this class 'cause it actually challenges me.

drawing a total blank...

I hate trying to come pu with things to write about.
I know it should be easy, but for me it's not.
I'm not a creative writer so this class is frickin' hard.
I liked it and all, and hoped maybe I could get better, but....
NOPE!
Sorry this post sucked, and every other one, but it's pretty hard.
Anyways...
THANKS!

Mom...



My mother died.
I can see her smiling.
She was grace,
and inspired change.
Inspires me to be the best I can be,
and enjoy it.

-sorry, too retarded to rotate the pic.

Family

I don't know what I'd do without my family.
We are all crazy and I love it.
One of my parents in completely laid back, while the other keeps us structured.
They love eachother, although none of us kids see how they ever matched up in the first place.
Speaking of the kids, none of us are alike, but it seems we are best friends.
Crazy, out of control, dominant sister.  Never can please her, but always can hear her.
Quiet, opinionated brother, does what he wants, but doesn't draw attention to it.
And me, in the middle of the two.  Quiet, yet opinionated anywhere outside of my house.
Crazy and out of control when I'm around these people.  People may not know the other side of me, but I'm ok with it.  Cause I know when I show my true colors to my family, they will always be here for me.

Ordinary World

Journey back to Pride Rock
Meet Jim.
Jim's an ordinary guy.  He wakes up, gets ready, reads the paper and feeds the dog.
He catches the subway by 7:05, goes to work, 8-4.
He makes it home by 5 to eat the dinner Lisa has on the table.
He works in the garage like men do, then plays with the kids for a while. 
Comes in for a shower, and gets ready for bed.
One particular Tuesday however, the subway is late.
He checks his watch to see if he's just early, 7:05. 
But as he looks closer at his watch, he sees the impossible.
A reflection of his father stares back at him from the watch.
He quickly turns around to find him, and sees him staring from the stairs.
He does a double take, and knows what he must do..

What does Jim must do?
Why is seeing his father "the impossible"?
Does he catch the subway?

Dialogue...

Him: "I'm sorry." -blank expression.
Her: "For what?" -still smiling.
Him: "I shouldn't have done that."  -still blank.
Her: "...done what?"  -smile fading.
Him: "Kissed you." -looking into her eyes.
Her: -blank stare.
Him: "It's not fair." -looking down.
Her: "What?"  -tearing up.
Him: "I know you know about her." -walks away. for good.

The crappy things in life...

Getting a nice tan, and having it peel off a week later.
   Shaving my legs.
      Vacuuming.
Going to use a coupon only to be rejected by the expiration date.
   Not having enough cash to pay cause of rejected coupon.
      Having my credit card declined.
Sending a mean text to a person, about that person.
   Finishing my business...no toilet paper.
      Pickles.
Throwing up my favorite food, and never being able to eat it again.
   When the lock on my bathroom stall is broken.
      Waking up in the morning.
Smudging my freshly painted nails.
   Crying babies.
      Mustard.
Rich boys who are cheap.
   Mashed Potatoes.
      Liars.
The veggies in moms pasta salad.
   Kidnapper vans.
      Red.
Getting ditched by my "friends".
   Applebees.
      Snow.
Valentines Day
   Egg Nog.
      Sharks.
Changing the radio station and hearing the end notes of my favorite song.
   Lending out a good movie and never getting it back.
      Wingers.
St. Patricks Day
   Doing Dishes.
      Spiders.
To be continued...